Let's try this again!

I stopped posting when Pat and I started throwing around the idea of having kids.  I didn't want to be a mommy blogger or talk about how I so badly wanted to be pregnant so I would feel I had a purpose in life. 

Then last night the reality hit....

I have a baby but I'm still looking for my purpose.  Yes, I have a wonderful reason to wake up in the morning (at whatever hour he decides) and he does fill yet another empty spot in my heart.  Still, I find myself aching for my passion in life.

Just like everyone else, when I was little I wanted to be a ballerina and an astronaut,  maybe even a space ballerina.  Then it came to Jr. High and those aptitude tests... mine told me I was best suited to be a forest ranger. Please tell me what 14 year old girl sees her future as Smokey the Bear's sidekick!

That's just the tip of the iceberg of indecision, but I just don't know what I'm cut out for, what I'm good at, or where to start.

How did you figure out what you wanted to be when you grow up?

Why I must compromise on Holiday Festiveness (aka I married the grinch)

I grew up with the house being completely Christmasified from the day after Thanksgiving until New Years Day.  I just figured this is what everyone does and this is how it should be.

Fast forward about 16 years to December 2008 I met Pat while we were both deployed so obviously his house wasn't decorated (except for a wreath that his grandma bought and displayed.

Last year, December 2009, we bought a tree because I HAVE TO HAVE a Christmas tree.

This year I decided that we should decorate outside, well Pat had other ideas.  I don't know why he doesn't like to decorate outside but its very depressing that our house is not festive and down the street a little someone has a crazy light show complete with their own music.  I also decided this year that since we're married now we should probably send Christmas cards as much as we both agreed since we're included in my mom's card's picture that we were covered but my responsible self overrides my lazy self more often than I like so I let him pick out the cards as long as I approved.  Not being able to describe my frustration with his unfestiveness I've made a few pics comparing our differences.

My Christmas Card	Pat's Christmas Card
My card is pretty with all the symbols of the season and all of the glitter in the county.	Pat's card well... speaks for itself
My Christmas Tree	Pat's Christmas Tree
My tree has crazy mismatched ornaments and lights and enough tinsel that the dogs are still crapping it at Easter!	Pat's tree is Nightmare Before Christmas themed (maybe I would go for this if we had 2 trees.)
My Christmas House	Pat's Christmas House
My yard is CRAZY and cluttered with everything Christmas so many lights that we have to put a beach towel over the bedroom window so we can sleep (yes, I had to do this when I was little.)	Pat threw a strand of lights in the yard and said he was done. OH! and there is a wreath on the door I forgot about that.

I will post later what I finally compromised for with real pictures even though I'm almost awesome at ms paint!

My husband's take on Ailens, Wi-Fi, and our music.... yeah....

One night we were sitting at home enjoying a few drinks and music on the xbox.  Most of our relaxing nights in go this way until Pat looks at me like he figured out the cure for the cancer.  So I asked what crazy idea he had now.  He explains in great detail how Aliens invented Wi-Fi so when they're zipping past Earth they can steal all of our music in nanoseconds and keep "rollin" through space.  This is how I imagined this happening.

Yes the Aliens are listening to lil wayne as well!

UPDATE: Okay, I know I didn't do this conversation justice with the above post so I asked Pat if there was anything he wanted to add so here goes.  First the aliens that  land on Earth us helped us evolve technology working up to Wi-Fi so they can download our music (this explains less UFO sightings because they don't have to land anymore to get our music.)  Now, they download our music while zipping past our satellites.  Before getting back from their intergalactic journeys they call up their friends and tell them about the awesome Earth shit they got. 

P.S. I was also informed that Aliens are so awesome that they definitely do not say dude!

Zombie Deer!

Conversation I had with my mom and why she probably thinks I need to be admitted to a psych ward.....

Me: question...deer are completely herbivores right?

Mom: why?I think so

Me: well we were driving home last night and there was a perfectly alive deer standing along the highway but his mouth was all red like he was eating something bloody and then i thought maybe they lick other deer to heal wounds like dogs do

Mom: maybe he was shot and dying.

Me: and then i decided that it was a zombie deer

Mom: or got hit had a concussion has a brain tumor etc

Me: pretty sure it was a zombie and it eats brains

Mom: You would


My mommy loves me lol

I Have the Best Friends in the World

I went out to eat with one of my friends today.  She's one of those people that you don't have a bad time with.  No matter how sad, lonely, angry or distracted you are she can make you not only forget your problems she makes you realize that the problem isn't that big of a deal, even with out talking about it.

She knows how to make the best of a bad situation when the world is falling down around her.  No, her life isn't perfect as no one Else's is you'd never know though with her sunny attitude and spunk that never ends.  She laughs off embarrassment and takes pain the best way possible.  She let my future hubby sleep on her bathroom floor within hours of meeting him (I sure as hell couldn't move him).  She finds the best in even the most unethical people and loves them despite their faults.  I met this girl four years ago and my life has been a little bit brighter since she's been in it.

K Rae I'm so honored that you'll be in my wedding and I can't wait for all the fun and mischief we'll get into this weekend and at the beach

In DZ love and mine,
Ash

Dual Military Life

August 7th 2004
That was the day I took my oath of enlistment. 

I was ready and expecting to go on deployments and see the world even if sometimes I would be sent to some unsavory places, but this was my job, its what I would do.  I don't see this as "answering a call to duty" or "serving my country" because this is what I grew up with.  In a different time not ours if your dad worked in the steel mill that is what you would do when you grew up, I guess I followed in my daddy's footsteps because I'm just old fashioned that way.  It's my job. 

The one thing I never expected was to be the one waiting at home for my other half to come home from a deployment.

November 28th 2008 I left for my first deployment.  Also the same day I first met Patrick my hubby to be.

We're both very lucky in a sense that we are aircraft mechanics in two different areas of specialty him electrical and environmental systems, me fuel systems.  We go where the planes go which is usually somewhere not too dangerous because for once the government has a shred of common sense and doesn't put multimillion dollar aircraft somewhere they could get damaged and we would become unable to complete our missions (in air refueling). 

We are both also lucky because our deployments are a year and a half apart and we can go for as short as a month.


I have just been stressed lately because I feel like I'm all alone.  I moved from my home town to live with the boy where I don't know a single soul, my friends (most live at least an hour away) have all just graduated college and are either working their butts off at a new job or starting grad school and my family just moved to North Carolina.  Maybe, it will change once we have kids but it was so much easier when I was deployed to deal with missing people because you are surrounded with people who are in the same boat and can offer new perspectives on how to deal.  I'm pretty sure this all started when I was off work for a week and a half for the kidney infection, but I've never felt this depressed about being alone but you'll have that when the only things you talk to are your two dogs who aren't very good conversationalists.  Soon this will all be over for another year and a half...

Active duty bases have spouse support groups for this reason this may be only one of  the very few times I am jealous of people who chose active duty instead of guard and reserve.


P.S. This wasn't meant to be all woe is me I just had to get it out please don't feel bad for me because I am well aware that there are millions that are way worse off than I am

Never Have I Ever...

My fiance Pat is deployed right now, nowhere dangerous, or even remotely bad he's actually on a tropical island.  We skype every day sometimes twice a day which is amazing.  I can't express how lucky we are to have the technology to be talking to and seeing someone thousands of miles away in comparison to the three weeks it would take to send a letter.  Usually our conversations are short because either one of us just woke up or is going to bed, but none the less those 15 minutes are priceless. 

Today Pat called while I  was making dinner.  I was chopping and chatting as he asked for more pictures, I send pics every once in a while of crazy things the dogs do and me occasionally if I'm feeling pretty that day.  So I asked him what he wants pictures of BIG MISTAKE.  He said "you, naked." The chopping ceased and I just stared at him like he had five eyes. 

I know that "sexting" and sending naked pictures, using any media electronic or not, are not new things, I'm sure these things happen all the time.  I just can't get over the fact that there will be physical evidence that I in fact was naked.  I'm pretty sure I have naked phobia.... It's not because I hate my body I love the way I look and I've never really had a negative body image I must have missed that class in high school.  I don't know why I'm terrified of being naked I never had an embarrassing moment in which I happened to be naked, no dark secrets from my past.  I'm just very uncomfortable being naked maybe I'm normal and all of these crazy teens are exhibitionists I don't know.

I'm not really sure if I'll send him any pics or not but I did send him a pic of the dogs with the subject naked pics because well, dogs are naked. I'm sure I'm going to get some smart comments from that.


Any advice?